Tomorrow is the day!

Tomorrow.....we get pregnant!   Those words can't be said by many, but it's kinda nice knowing when I have to stop eating and drinking certain things!  We know that while we are transferring two embryos there is a chance they won't implant..but we aren't focusing on that.  Too many months of negative thoughts and negative pregnant tests.

I celebrated my last un-preggo day with a March of Dimes walk with my dear friend and her family. She is one of the strongest people I know, and her family is one that I can't help but treasure.   The rain and cold were not the best for walking, but the talking and company were. And honestly what more could I ask for?!  Made that 3.5 miles go by fast! I think I'm going to need to get back into that routine of walking for exercise. Who wants to walk and talk?

I decided mid morning that I needed to have wine and cheese tonight.  So off one of my bests went to a cute little place near her.  So cute!!  It had wines, craft beers, big selection of cheeses and some other yummy items. I had a blast drinking my Moscato, eating cheese and of course having an amazing convo with her.

Paul had been at a volleyball tournament all day but he was home when I got home. It was time to ice the cheek and get that progesterone  oil shot! Then a little bit of Pretty Little Liars.

Be on the look out tomorrow for a blog about the transfer and more information as we move forward in our journey. Also of everyone could say an extra prayer for us that would be great!

We Are in This Together

We Are in This Together

So did you know this week in National Infertility Awareness Week??  Yeah, I didn't either until about 20 minutes ago.  My good friend just told me.  And her hash tag is priceless.... #partoftheproblem   For anyone who has ever had issues with a pregnancy or getting pregnant, why is there the feeling of shame?  

Okay, I for sure agree with the 'painful feeling' part.  Ooooo and the 'fact or circumstance' part.  But I know for sure that Paul and I have not done anything dishonorable (alright listen...living with someone before you get married is not dishonorable, even my parents were on board so get over it!), improper or ridiculous to cause us infertility.  It's just a fact. 

We are 1 of the 8.  There I said it...we are part of the group.  Believe it or not, we now know lots of people who are in this group. But most of these people haven't shared with the world...or even their friends, some haven't even shared with their families. This makes me so sad.  We have had such amazing support from friends, family and even strangers.  Take it from this girl, when you are feeling lost, upset and depressed about this situation, support is what you need even if you don't know it!  If you feel like I am talking to you and you don't feel like you have that person to talk to, please email me.  I would love to help you through your pain, confusion, frustration, etc. 

Now let's go back to that hashtag #partoftheproblem.  We have have covered shame, but there is also this feeling of hush hush. Like its a bad thing to talk about infertility.  First of all its not bad, you can't catch it.  Now I will tell you, I am not the norm (duh!) Most people aren't as open as me.  Here are some great tips for talking about infertility. Things to say and not to say A lot of people aren't comfortable sharing their story,and I totally get it, really I do.  But so far the best tip given to me was to write it down!  So if blogging is not your thing, go buy yourself a journal and a fancy pen, and start writing...start wherever you want. You can always back track in your writing. 

Here is the bottom line of today's post, no matter how alone you feel, you aren't alone. Everyone's journey is different.  In fact, I have yet to talk to one couple who has the same issue as us. But those of us on this journey get the feelings you are having.  

A Day of Bed Rest

A Day of Bed Rest

This morning we arrived on time at 6:15 and after about 15 minutes of waiting we were able to move from the waiting room to the pre-op room. Here is a stellar picture of me  you can't see my awesome booties in this picture but just imagine them...

                                                                     

A nurse came in and went through the process with us and also had me initial some parts of a form that said we were going to freeze any left over embryos and that we want them to place a sperm in the egg itself.

Even though I wasn't allowed to drink or eat after midnight last night, I still had the nervous pees.  You know what I am talking about!  You know your bladder is empty but you have this incredibly sensation to pee. So I went and while only a trickle came out, I realized....(okay here is where we get personal,  hold on to your hats!) I am officially constipated. I know, I'm so fancy!  I'm also nervous to say anything to the nursing staff....so I tell Paul in a whisper.

                                                   

Then enters in Stephanie!! I love this lady, I so want to be her friend when this is all over!  She comes in, arms wide open and gives me such a big hug!  I needed that hug, it was like all my friends and family who couldn't be there bundled up in one simple hug. She   then asks if we have questions, and she knows me so well..specifically asks about certain side effects. Then I feel like I can speak up about the big C!  She tells me it's totally normal, the ovaries are growing and taking up all this room and then there isn't room for the other stuff. She suggest miralax. ..I tell Paul to write that down!  We also asked her about hyper stimulation, OHSS.  She looks up my estrogen levels from yesterday. They are in the upper 2,000, high by not worrisome. She says if we were at 5,000 she would call off our transfer, or if when they went in they took out over 20 eggs. So all signs are positive for not having OHSS!

Dr. Katz comes in to say good morning and answer any questions we have.  What a great guy!  This man has no idea how much we love him!  Then enters Mary Ann, the anesthesiologist.  With my breakfast of fluids in her hand. She is asking some normal questions about medicine reactions and if I'm able to climb a flight of stairs. Normal things right... I've never been put under before. So I'm a bit nervous. She did a good job inserting the needle. My veins have been a pain in the butt, but she did well and taped it into place so nothing would move of it. Then it's nervous pee time again!! 

Mary Ann and I walk to the operating room and into the sterile room, wow lots of people in there!   Not sure who all was in there besides Dr. Katz and Mary Ann but I did meet our embryologist!  She will be the one taking care of our babies until they go back in my oven. I think I love this woman too! 

The table for this procedure is different than I can even describe. I laid on my back and placed my calves in holders. So they are above my head level and spread wide open. They strapped me in...I guess no one wants to get stuck in there...LOL. (yup I just cracked myself up!)  This is not me...just a picture to show the chair

Mary Ann tells me that they are raising the table, the ceiling isn't falling down, and that she is adding the medication so that I will start to feel it in 15 seconds.  Yeah, I didn't make it that long. I woke up back in my pre-op room apparently mumbling and talking about what I remembered. I gave Paul a good laugh. I had serious cotton mouth and Paul gave me some water from a bottle we had brought in.

I was nice and cozy with a heating pad. They wanted me to start moving but I was comfy.  Not sure how long I stayed there but eventually I got to the chair and sat for awhile. Then Paul helped me get dressed and out we went. I wasn't as hungry as I thought I would be but we did stop at dunking donuts. Bagel/butter and water for this girl. It did not taste as good as I thought it would, cotton mouth had traveled to throat.

Once home, mom met us and I had a team of babysitters all day!  Momma and the baby girls took great care of me. We all thought I would sleep more than I did. We watched some movies and talked. Nothing super exciting. My most exciting things were getting up to go pee, and this time not nervous pee, it was the real deal! 

So here is what you really want to know:Updated!! They really were able to get out 14 eggs, but 12 of them were mature and made it through the night!  they got 12 eggs!! Wahoo that's a great number:)  My pain level isn't as bad as I thought it would be  especially earlier on today. Later in the afternoon and this evening I am DE having pain in the stomach, and ovaries. I am sticking with heating pad and Tylenol. So far so good.

Next steps: another day of rest, so I can be all gang busters on Thursday for my first graders:)  Tomorrow and Friday we will get phone calls to let us know how our sweet embryos are doing. Sunday is our transfer day!! Paul is really excited about this day...he will able to come back in the operating room and be present when these babies come to be in me. Just in case you can't tell, we are excited to be on this journey together.

Thank you to all of those who reached out today. It put a smile in my face every time my phone went off. We love you all! 

Roller Coaster Weekend

Roller Coaster Weekend

I had all intentions in writing a blog Friday and Saturday and today...but as you can see that did not happen...so settle in and prepare yourself for a decently long blog :)

On Friday I left school with lesson plans for Monday and Tuesday planned for a substitute.  We didn't know if Monday would be our Egg Retrieval (ER) day, but we knew it could be.  A lot of my co-workers  wished me luck.  You have no idea how much that means to me, just knowing that y'all in my corner and rooting us on just makes my heart smile.  This has been a super stressful time and the support really helps.  I want to take a moment and let all of you know....I wear my heart on my sleeve and you and I may not have spoken about this issue personally, but I am sharing our story very publicly and I assume people are reading...LOL. The whole point being, if you see me and want to talk or ask questions, don't feel creepy or awkward about it!  I enjoy sharing our story and informing people on this usually closed and private situation.

Saturday I went in for blood work and ultrasound.  The cool part about this was it was my doctor on call!  So I got to see Dr. Katz and he was very happy with my eggs.  I had a bunch of eggs measuring at 20mm....wow!  They have grown so much since Wednesday.  He said I was probably ready for ER on Monday, but he needed to see my blood work before knowing for sure.  They called me Saturday am and said that I needed to continue with medicines minus one pill.  And more blood work on Sunday. (this isn't my ultrasound, but mine was similar)

Fast forward to today!!  I went in for more blood work and an ultrasound...those eggs grew to about 29mm!  Holy moly...this drugs are really working. (this weekend I have noticed some small side effects of nausea and bloating/gas)  They really only count the large eggs.  So Dr. Katz counted about 12 large eggs.  However he did say that just because its large, that doesn't mean that the smaller eggs wont produce a good embryo.  He seemed really confident that I was ready to go for my trigger shot. 

 I waited all morning and this afternoon with no call.  However they did call when I was in the movies...I was ready with notebook in hand! One oral pill at night, two of my regular shots (one with lower dosage) and two new shots.  These new shots are to trigger the ovulation. One shot was prefilled and ready to go....soo nice.  However the second wasn't so easy.  We have several resident nurses as neighbors.  We went calling on one of our neighbors. She rocked!  Not only did she keep calm during my frantic explaining and questioning and being a tad crazy, but she also helped explain why certain things were the way they were. So thank you Mrs. Claus!!  We love you! 

Here is what all this means....Tuesday morning is ER day!!!  We need to be there at 6:15 am and my actual ER is at 7:15 am. I am very excited.  This weekend was a roller coaster because there are lots of moving parts and I am not in charge of all of them.  Apparently I am a bit of a control freak and can not handle when others don't do their jobs. (here is where you act surprised.) As of right now, we are in a great place and feeling great. Hopefully the super stressful things are in the past now. 

I would not be able to end this blog without a huge shout out to my husband, my one and only, Paul!  He has been amazing throughout this whole process.  Today he brought me to tears when talking to his brother and his sister in law.  He was telling them how amazed he was at me, going through all the shots, the testing, the side effects, etc.  I was just in awe (and a little embarrassed) that he said all that.  I never thought of his perspective on everything I was going through.  I really do have the best husband...sorry ladies :)

Moving Right Along

Moving Right Along

Today I went in to have more blood work and another ultrasound to see how I was progressing.  Man oh man the traffic was bad even at 6:30 am.  The only thing I can think of is that President Obama was in town and there were road closures.  The doctor and nurse were impressed on how my eggs had grown! When I asked kinda where we were, and if they thought another week of meds would be be right, both the doctor and nurse shook their heads. That means next week we move on to the next step!

Stephanie called me in the am to let me know what the next step was...she NEVER calls in the am...so I knew it was important!  Once I got all my kiddos working, Stephanie and I chatted.  I needed to start another shot medication, and ASAP!  So after some hurried text messages to Paul (his amazing bosses are so understanding!) he was able to go home, get the medication, bring all the supplies to school and help me administer the new shot.  

This one is a little harder because you have to mix liquid with a powder before injecting into the body. After watching the video clip, pausing as we completed each step, we finally got to the point where it was time to inject.  Not too painful, but longer than normal.  I guess this one has more medication.  In our new medicine routine we have: the new med, two other shots and two pills at night.  

Not too bad..we are getting really good at this shot shot shot thing!  Even Momma got in the action the other night.  She did a great job.  I am super thankful to have such a supportive family and friend network! 

Next step: blood work and ultrasound on Saturday.  Egg Retrieval should be sometime next week with a day of bed rest.  I am not too worried about this one...it's the following bed rest that I am more worried about. 

Shots Shots Shots!

Shots Shots Shots!

I was glad that Paul and I had watched the videos last night.  But we decided to watch them and do the steps along with the videos.  (Which is exactly how I learned to prep my nails and put on Jamberry Nail Wraps!) We had a little hiccup because the video mentioned two of the drugs I had to be used for one shot.  We figured it out, thank goodness for my email to Stephanie yesterday to get clarification! 

So for the next couple of days, I take two pills and two shots. We decided that we would follow the videos with me prepping the meds and then handing Paul the needle.  Paul did an amazing job, both times!  He said "You didn't even flinch! You made those shots your B****!!"   I love this man!!  

Since tonight was the first night we celebrated with ice cream but we cant do that every night.  So Paul and I are going to rock out every night to this after he gives me my meds.  I have to say the song brings back lots of memories of our early relationship and our northern friends.  

Just A Squirrel!

Just A Squirrel!

On Thursday, my good friend told me this could just be a squirrel in the road that I need to slow down and dodge.  Not even a speed bump.  

Earlier today I was talking to her and she reminded me that this could still be a squirrel and I told her I hoped it wasn't a dead elephant that took two weeks for animal control to figure out what to do with it!   

Not even 20 minutes after that conversation...WE GOT THE CALL :)  I am cleared to start taking medications tonight! 

Last night we started watching the injection videos...and the model...oh she needs help with her nails! Someone has put acrylics on her, and done them in french tip (way to big for her nails) and left the polish on her cuticles. It's so distracting I can hardly concentrate on what it is I am supposed to do! I really want to send her a card with Jamberry in them!!! Just in case you want to see it for yourself.  http://www.freedommedteach.com/eng/videos.html?play=lo_dose_hcg

Tonight, Paul and I will attempt to give me two shots.  If you live nearby and hear screams, don't worry:)  I have to take two pills and two shots daily.  On Wednesday I go back into the office for more blood work and an ultrasound.  From there they will tell me whats next, but from looking in my fridge, I am guessing more shots and medications!

Today I am thanking God, family and friends for loving me through my crazy and all my emotions!

Medicines Finally Arrived

Medicines Finally Arrived

Last night was not my finest moment. I am usually very kind and understanding when dealing with customer service reps. I still stand with my earlier comment, I do not regret my words or actions. The woman lied to me, didn't send tracking information like she said she would and never once offered to make it up to me. I am in sales myself and whenever there is an issue, not only do I try to make it right but I also send them something to try to make it right.

The woman told me my package would arrive this am at 10:30. So I could still have gone out of town with my friend.  But because of my emotions and having  no trust that my meds would get here and having to do blood work tomorrow am, I chose not to go. I'm not happy I didn't go, but am glad that I didn't hold my friend back.  My meds didn't get here till about 1:30pm. Three hours later...but here none the less.

All meds are here and accounted for..lots of needles of all different shapes and sizes. I have been able to sort the needles with the correct medicines. Everything is in the fridge and ready to go, hopefully for tomorrow! 

Here is a picture that an amazing friend sent me....thinking I should be posting this on my door:)

Bundle of.....Part 2

Bundle of.....Part 2

This morning was frustrating for sure.  And I did shed some tears.  But it was nothing compared to my afternoon.  My team of two nurses and the doctor at one point surrounding me and giving me a pep talk..I am super lucky!  I went to school to try to get some work done, some got done, some did not.  Came home around 2 because I didn't want the medicines sitting out in the hot warm sun.  

 Of course when I came home there were no medicines.  I decided to give it some time...sometimes UPS and Fedex come later in the day. So it's almost 3pm...I figure I better call the pharmacy in Miami....thats where the day just goes all downhill!  After a call, and hour of waiting for someone to call me back, a call and an email to my IVF team and then me calling back to the pharmacy....they didn't send my medicines!  You know the ones I am supposed to take tomorrow!!!

I reamed out one lady and then her supervisor...language was flying, accusations, tears, screams...it all came out.  I am not sorry for any of my words or actions.  Their job was to send me my medications and they drastically failed.  According to their notes, I, the patient was supposed to ask my dr. for approval on medications....UMMMMM, really?! In all my years of dealing with pharmacies and drs.....drs send the pharmacy a prescription and they fill it.  Forget the fact that when I talked to them over a week ago..maybe even two weeks ago, no one told me it was my job to do their job.  We left it as, my meds would be here the 9th.  So apparently, my meds will be shipped out and I should get them tomorrow.  Guess what happens when they aren't here??  Yup I get to call back and talk to my favorite lying supervisor of the pharmacy...aren't you glad you don't have to be her!!  

The other heartbreaking news is that my hormone level is too elevated (shocked aren't you??) to start the medications, that are still in a warehouse in FL.  So I have to have another blood test done on Saturday morning...which would be no big deal, but I was supposed to be out of town with a friend.  

Okay so let's review: 

1. Someone didn't do their job and I have no medications.
2. That cyst is making my hormone levels too high to do medications.
3. I let down one of my favorite people in the whole world.

Another dear friend sent me this and it explains so much of today, I just had to share!

So what happens next?  Well we have two options. On Saturday they will do more blood work.

• The levels are still high, then they will trigger shot me, and my period will start in about 2 weeks. Then we will start with the medications right away. (this is not a speed bump, this is a flipping road block with a detour involved)
• The levels have lowered, then I will start the medications on Saturday. (this would be a speed bump)

Thank you for reading, sending positive thoughts, prayers and funny pictures.  Please continue to do all the above!!

A bundle of emotions

A Bundle of Emotions

Today was supposed to be an exciting one with an easy blood work and ultrasound check. But instead I woke up to what looked like the beginning of my period. UUUGGGHHH! Last cycle was 40 days and this one is 21?? Really?!  I'm not even supposed to be getting a period during this time frame. 

So, I email Stephanie as I am freaking out. If you are just joining us, here is a post about our amazing Stephanie. And of course she has emailed me back before I even get out of the shower. She is so wonderful!  She told me not to worry (think she knows me?) And to come in and we would proceed as planned. 

Apparently bleeding can occur after stopping the birth control. Makes sense right, people take birth control to regulate cycles. With this being my body's first experience to birth control I am sure it was very confused!  During the two weeks of taking birth control, I noticed more emotions in the beginning and also after stopping it. I also had some breakouts around my chin, on cheeks and in cleavage area.

Because I'm still on spring break I decided to sleep in a bit...big mistake!  the traffic was horrible. No accidents that I ever saw just lots of people on the road. Glad I don't have this commute every day, but if I did I would be leaving early!  Blood work went well and then I found out I was supposed to be here before 8:30...I was super late. I had to wait around a bit for Dr. Katz to be available, but that's not an issue I just worked on this blog post!

During the ultrasound he found a cyst. Darn those birth control pills!!  So the cyst could be producing estrogen.  If it is we will have to wait for it to stop before we can proceed with the next phase. We will know this afternoon when they call me back with the blood work results. Dr. Katz calls this a speed bump..which he is totally right, and the rational side of me totally gets this and the reasoning and the process.  The emotional side of me who has been trying to get pregnant for over a year just takes control of it all.  

So to all my fellow couples who have been trying and trying and getting upset every month when you find out you are not pregnant..I totally understand!  We may not have tried for years and years, but any amount of time of waiting and trying and waiting some more is just heart breaking. Maybe you have a doctor who isn't listening to you and tells you to just keep trying....GO FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR!  LoL, I only advise that because had it not been for my incredibly listening doctors I would have had to wait much longer.  

Praying and consuming myself with work until I hear about my blood work results!