Strength in numbers

Our fertility center offers a support group once a month. I'm going to be honest when we first started going to our center, I thought "hey we know the problem and have fixed the issue, I don't need a support group"  well several months later, 2 rounds with no implantation,  I found myself craving this support group!  In fact I was really upset that I could only find two support groups in Charlotte, and only meeting once a month each.

And yet tonight I wanted to not go.  I was being cowardly. I was nervous about the other people, I was nervous about sharing my story (crazy right?) And I was really nervous I was going to cry the entire time and look like that girl!

Well I cried on my way there, and I did cry in therapy. But unexpectedly I laughed too!  I met some great people there, we are all in different places in this journey and were able to support each other or give advice. One thing we talked about was what to say to people who are asking "When you going to get pregnant?"  This is hard, because some of us are more blunt than others and some people just can't take a hint.

We used to tell people "we are working on it." But people didn't stop asking. That's one of the many blessings about this blog..people don't ask anymore. But not everyone is going to start a blog and be as open as we are. So another idea was to share your story with one or a few people and have then tell everyone else. For those of us working in a place where everyone asks this really works. But even talking to family is hard. We are blessed to have a supportive family and we do have family "reps" who spread the word to other family members.

All in all, I'm really glad I went to group and hope that I am able to connect with these women. They are helping me already and I hope that I can help them!

The Night Before

The Night Before

To say we are anxious, is definitely down-playing our feelings. There are so many moving parts in this journey, and a bunch that are behind the scene.  It's all coming together but in true Cogan/Lyons fashion....at the last possible minute! We are lucky to have great family, friends and Facebook connections!  Oh Facebook, even Paul is starting to love you.  

We are also excited about what this all means.  The eggs come out....they get made into sweet little embryos and then back in me for them to become babies!! I am not sure who is going to be more excited about the positive pregnancy news...Paul or me....or our parents!  

We also are very aware that this may not take the first time.  We know many people have had to do this several times, but as one of my best friend's said (right before her wedding) "I'm not focusing on it not working out my way.  But I will at least think about it for a few minutes."  LOL....we were in a huge rainstorm and had to plan for rain plans.  It all worked out though she had her outdoor ceremony!  But I digress...

The plan is to transfer them back in on Sunday and some more bed rest. This time the bed rest is more serious, no stairs for 24-48 hours. Paul and my mom are already coming with a schedule for taking care of me:)  I have such a blessed life! Even through the struggles I can see and feel this. 

I'm supposed to get good rest tonight, but that's not going to happen, so if you wanna chat I will probably be up:) 

Very Overdue Post

One would think that with three days of bed rest I would have found the time to blog about the transfer itself.  Well....several friends mentioned that I watch Pretty Little Liars...and I got sucked in.  I haven't finished season 4 yet, but it's safe to say that Paul and I both are addicted.  He looked up A though....I am still guessing and questioning.You probably are thinking...enough about PLL!! Lets get to the transfer. 

Paul and I were both pretty anxious Sunday morning so we got to REACH about 20 minutes early.  I had some blood work done  and then we sat in the waiting room which felt like forever.  I had to go in with a full bladder.  Now as a teacher I only know two kinds of bladder--empty or full.  They needed a semi-full bladder so they can see exactly where to place the embryos.  I dont know how to make it only semi-full, so a Gatorade and ICE water later.....I am trying to think of dry desserts! The nurse offered to let me tinkle a little, but I told her it was all or nothing, so I had to wait.....It was it's own kind of torture.

Once Dr. Katz arrived he came in to our pre-op room talked to us about our embryos. We had 11 make it to day 5, and they were implanting two.  Oh my goodness, when he showed them to us, I about cried.  Today's medication was only Valium, nothing too strong.  One of our embryos had already 'hatched' and was in the       stage.  The other embryo was in      stage.

Paul was so excited about going back into the room with us and he had to wear his own little get up.  I have pictures, but I'm only allowed to use for blackmail purposes...I am going to save them for midnight cravings! Today's medical team was much smaller, nurse (Esther), Dr. Katz and the embryologist(Jennifer).  She came in and told us basically the same thing Dr. Katz had told us. Then when I got set up on the crazy table again, she went back to my containers.  We actually watched on a TV screen as she sucked up our embryos in a catheter.....so incredibly cool.   Then she came in, handed to Dr. Katz and in he placed them.  

All three were amazed at my full bladder, and when Esther pressed down with the ultrasound, no lie I was so afraid I was going to pee!  Dr. Katz offered to drain my bladder catheter style....but that sounded painful, I told him I could hold it another 30 minutes. I scooted off the table and on to my stretcher and Esther and Dr. Katz wheeled me back to the pre-op room.  I thought the first hour plus was bad....oh the last 30 minutes was torture.  If you were one of the lucky ones to be texting me Sunday morning....I am sorry but thank you for keeping my mind off my bladder! 

We were the only ones with a procedure Sunday morning and on the floor, so once Esther said I could go pee, I ran down the hall, gown flapping open in the back!  Girl did not care....I am pretty sure I peed for a good 4 minutes.  

Instructions were pretty simple, no alcohol, caffeine or smoking.  Also no stairs for 24 hours and bed rest after that.  Paul took those literal. I barely was able to get up and pee.  It wasn't too awful and like I said...I loved me some PLL!  

So now....here comes the deep stuff.  On Friday I go in for a blood pregnancy test.  IF it comes back positive, or even negative, I will go back 2 or three more times next week to measure my levels.  If they are increasing, it confirms the positive pregnancy test!  So while this is all super exciting, it also is nerve-wrecking, because how am I going to keep this secret!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Here is the plan.....we aren't going to tell anyone anything until the end of May...yes that means you....and you, and yes you too.  The thinking behind this is 1: if we arent pregnant, we have time to grieve and decide what we want to do next. 2: if we are pregnant we get to enjoy our little secret, and by the end of May we will have had an ultrasound to hear the heartbeat(s).  

Please, if you love and care about us at all, please don't ask, try to trick us into telling, or even offering me things I am not allowed to have.  I know this is hard, especially if you have been on this journey with us for years.  But please understand that these are our wishes:)

Prayers and positive thoughts are still very welcome, and thank you so much to those who have been asking how I am feeling and doing. And the prayers!  Oh the prayers help so much more than you will ever know!

Tomorrow is the day!

Tomorrow.....we get pregnant!   Those words can't be said by many, but it's kinda nice knowing when I have to stop eating and drinking certain things!  We know that while we are transferring two embryos there is a chance they won't implant..but we aren't focusing on that.  Too many months of negative thoughts and negative pregnant tests.

I celebrated my last un-preggo day with a March of Dimes walk with my dear friend and her family. She is one of the strongest people I know, and her family is one that I can't help but treasure.   The rain and cold were not the best for walking, but the talking and company were. And honestly what more could I ask for?!  Made that 3.5 miles go by fast! I think I'm going to need to get back into that routine of walking for exercise. Who wants to walk and talk?

I decided mid morning that I needed to have wine and cheese tonight.  So off one of my bests went to a cute little place near her.  So cute!!  It had wines, craft beers, big selection of cheeses and some other yummy items. I had a blast drinking my Moscato, eating cheese and of course having an amazing convo with her.

Paul had been at a volleyball tournament all day but he was home when I got home. It was time to ice the cheek and get that progesterone  oil shot! Then a little bit of Pretty Little Liars.

Be on the look out tomorrow for a blog about the transfer and more information as we move forward in our journey. Also of everyone could say an extra prayer for us that would be great!

A Day of Bed Rest

A Day of Bed Rest

This morning we arrived on time at 6:15 and after about 15 minutes of waiting we were able to move from the waiting room to the pre-op room. Here is a stellar picture of me  you can't see my awesome booties in this picture but just imagine them...

                                                                     

A nurse came in and went through the process with us and also had me initial some parts of a form that said we were going to freeze any left over embryos and that we want them to place a sperm in the egg itself.

Even though I wasn't allowed to drink or eat after midnight last night, I still had the nervous pees.  You know what I am talking about!  You know your bladder is empty but you have this incredibly sensation to pee. So I went and while only a trickle came out, I realized....(okay here is where we get personal,  hold on to your hats!) I am officially constipated. I know, I'm so fancy!  I'm also nervous to say anything to the nursing staff....so I tell Paul in a whisper.

                                                   

Then enters in Stephanie!! I love this lady, I so want to be her friend when this is all over!  She comes in, arms wide open and gives me such a big hug!  I needed that hug, it was like all my friends and family who couldn't be there bundled up in one simple hug. She   then asks if we have questions, and she knows me so well..specifically asks about certain side effects. Then I feel like I can speak up about the big C!  She tells me it's totally normal, the ovaries are growing and taking up all this room and then there isn't room for the other stuff. She suggest miralax. ..I tell Paul to write that down!  We also asked her about hyper stimulation, OHSS.  She looks up my estrogen levels from yesterday. They are in the upper 2,000, high by not worrisome. She says if we were at 5,000 she would call off our transfer, or if when they went in they took out over 20 eggs. So all signs are positive for not having OHSS!

Dr. Katz comes in to say good morning and answer any questions we have.  What a great guy!  This man has no idea how much we love him!  Then enters Mary Ann, the anesthesiologist.  With my breakfast of fluids in her hand. She is asking some normal questions about medicine reactions and if I'm able to climb a flight of stairs. Normal things right... I've never been put under before. So I'm a bit nervous. She did a good job inserting the needle. My veins have been a pain in the butt, but she did well and taped it into place so nothing would move of it. Then it's nervous pee time again!! 

Mary Ann and I walk to the operating room and into the sterile room, wow lots of people in there!   Not sure who all was in there besides Dr. Katz and Mary Ann but I did meet our embryologist!  She will be the one taking care of our babies until they go back in my oven. I think I love this woman too! 

The table for this procedure is different than I can even describe. I laid on my back and placed my calves in holders. So they are above my head level and spread wide open. They strapped me in...I guess no one wants to get stuck in there...LOL. (yup I just cracked myself up!)  This is not me...just a picture to show the chair

Mary Ann tells me that they are raising the table, the ceiling isn't falling down, and that she is adding the medication so that I will start to feel it in 15 seconds.  Yeah, I didn't make it that long. I woke up back in my pre-op room apparently mumbling and talking about what I remembered. I gave Paul a good laugh. I had serious cotton mouth and Paul gave me some water from a bottle we had brought in.

I was nice and cozy with a heating pad. They wanted me to start moving but I was comfy.  Not sure how long I stayed there but eventually I got to the chair and sat for awhile. Then Paul helped me get dressed and out we went. I wasn't as hungry as I thought I would be but we did stop at dunking donuts. Bagel/butter and water for this girl. It did not taste as good as I thought it would, cotton mouth had traveled to throat.

Once home, mom met us and I had a team of babysitters all day!  Momma and the baby girls took great care of me. We all thought I would sleep more than I did. We watched some movies and talked. Nothing super exciting. My most exciting things were getting up to go pee, and this time not nervous pee, it was the real deal! 

So here is what you really want to know:Updated!! They really were able to get out 14 eggs, but 12 of them were mature and made it through the night!  they got 12 eggs!! Wahoo that's a great number:)  My pain level isn't as bad as I thought it would be  especially earlier on today. Later in the afternoon and this evening I am DE having pain in the stomach, and ovaries. I am sticking with heating pad and Tylenol. So far so good.

Next steps: another day of rest, so I can be all gang busters on Thursday for my first graders:)  Tomorrow and Friday we will get phone calls to let us know how our sweet embryos are doing. Sunday is our transfer day!! Paul is really excited about this day...he will able to come back in the operating room and be present when these babies come to be in me. Just in case you can't tell, we are excited to be on this journey together.

Thank you to all of those who reached out today. It put a smile in my face every time my phone went off. We love you all! 

Moving Right Along

Moving Right Along

Today I went in to have more blood work and another ultrasound to see how I was progressing.  Man oh man the traffic was bad even at 6:30 am.  The only thing I can think of is that President Obama was in town and there were road closures.  The doctor and nurse were impressed on how my eggs had grown! When I asked kinda where we were, and if they thought another week of meds would be be right, both the doctor and nurse shook their heads. That means next week we move on to the next step!

Stephanie called me in the am to let me know what the next step was...she NEVER calls in the am...so I knew it was important!  Once I got all my kiddos working, Stephanie and I chatted.  I needed to start another shot medication, and ASAP!  So after some hurried text messages to Paul (his amazing bosses are so understanding!) he was able to go home, get the medication, bring all the supplies to school and help me administer the new shot.  

This one is a little harder because you have to mix liquid with a powder before injecting into the body. After watching the video clip, pausing as we completed each step, we finally got to the point where it was time to inject.  Not too painful, but longer than normal.  I guess this one has more medication.  In our new medicine routine we have: the new med, two other shots and two pills at night.  

Not too bad..we are getting really good at this shot shot shot thing!  Even Momma got in the action the other night.  She did a great job.  I am super thankful to have such a supportive family and friend network! 

Next step: blood work and ultrasound on Saturday.  Egg Retrieval should be sometime next week with a day of bed rest.  I am not too worried about this one...it's the following bed rest that I am more worried about. 

Just A Squirrel!

Just A Squirrel!

On Thursday, my good friend told me this could just be a squirrel in the road that I need to slow down and dodge.  Not even a speed bump.  

Earlier today I was talking to her and she reminded me that this could still be a squirrel and I told her I hoped it wasn't a dead elephant that took two weeks for animal control to figure out what to do with it!   

Not even 20 minutes after that conversation...WE GOT THE CALL :)  I am cleared to start taking medications tonight! 

Last night we started watching the injection videos...and the model...oh she needs help with her nails! Someone has put acrylics on her, and done them in french tip (way to big for her nails) and left the polish on her cuticles. It's so distracting I can hardly concentrate on what it is I am supposed to do! I really want to send her a card with Jamberry in them!!! Just in case you want to see it for yourself.  http://www.freedommedteach.com/eng/videos.html?play=lo_dose_hcg

Tonight, Paul and I will attempt to give me two shots.  If you live nearby and hear screams, don't worry:)  I have to take two pills and two shots daily.  On Wednesday I go back into the office for more blood work and an ultrasound.  From there they will tell me whats next, but from looking in my fridge, I am guessing more shots and medications!

Today I am thanking God, family and friends for loving me through my crazy and all my emotions!