Secret post 9/3

Oh my friends if you would ask me 3 hours ago how this blog post would go I would have never told you that what I'm about to tell you would be happening.

Starting yesterday, September 2nd at 9 a.m. until about 10:45 this morning was the scariest time of my life. I thought for sure I had miscarried while teaching. 

On Monday afternoon I had to go in for blood work, which was amazing results at 1499. I had also had them test me for a UTI because I've been feeling some pain down there, you know how that goes ladies. I had more severe symptoms on Wednesday: sharp pains, while sitting not going to the bathroom just while sitting and lots of pressure down there. 

About 9 am I went to the bathroom and noticed some bleeding, which is normal in your first trimester to have spotting but when I wipe some gloopy stuff was there, I don't know how to explain it.

After talking to Stephanie about 9:15 she really wanted me to come in to be checked out and get fluids. She was sure I was passing kidney stones or some other kind of thing like that with my kidneys. We had agreed on 3 o'clock but after talking with Dr. Katz she wanted me now at 2 o'clock so I had to arrange to have my amazing TA cover me from 1 to 2.

About 11 o'clock I went to the bathroom and there was lots of blood and lots of gloopy stuff at this point I'm freaking out like really freaking out like "I'm-taking-a picture-sending-it-to-my-nurse-and-my-husband-and-telling-them-I'm-miscarrying."  I took a picture and sent it to Stephanie, it's not pretty! 

I left school at 1 o'clock. Got to the doctors office at 1:35 I'm pretty sure there was some speeding there. I had Paul meet me there because I just didn't think I could take the news by myself. When I got there,  because my nurse was working at a different office, no one knew what to do with me. Happens a lot she's the one that keeps everything moving at that office. Gosh I love her!

So here's what happens I go to the second floor, they don't know what to do with me so they send me to the first floor. I do get fluids after a few minutes.  Those poor nurses had such a hard time finding a spot for the fluids.They started with my right wrist and then my left hand and then another spot on my left and we finally found it and it finally started dripping of course we had to MacGyver it so it would stay flowing.  You know gauze under the needle to put pressure then tape down so it will flow correctly.

After about 20 minutes of the fluids the nurse practitioner came down to see me after listening to my lungs, heart and hearing my symptoms she agreed with me, that she thought I was miscarrying.  Its too early to do an ultrasound at this point whether the baby was there or not they would not be able to see or hear anything on the ultrasound. However they can do a blood test so if my numbers have gone down significantly I would have miscarried. If they have gone up I'm not miscarrying.

I have to stop here for a minute and tell you that Stephanie our nurse has been the fighting force with whole time even though she wasn't there, she kept the faith she believed it was just one of the medicine that I've been taking and it was just the oil coming out and irritated and made it bleed.

Okay so back to the blood test. My favorite technician Lisa came down to see me while they still giving fluids. She of course couldn't use the hand that they had used and the other hand, well its not a cooperative one and don't even get me started about my arms! However she found the perfect little teeny tiny vein on my right arm use a pediatric needle and got that blood out. 

Gosh I love Lisa! She can work miracles. She says its just cuz she's doing her job for so long but trust me I've had other nurses that take my blood and she's just that talented. She was also the only one who I felt like really connected with me and my story yesterday. She gave me a huge hug and told me she was so sorry. It feels so good to have people at a doctor's office to care as much about you being pregnant as you being pregnant. 

Of course the blood work machine had already been turned off so we didn't get the results until this morning.  Stephanie and I had agreed that she wouldn't call me until 11am, after I had left school. (Yes another sub, but there was no way I could be at school when hearing the fact that I had miscarried)  I was walking out my door at 10:46 when she called and my exact words "I need a few minutes to get out the door."  Her response "I have been waiting for an hour and half I cant wait any longer!"

Just so you know, at this point I am already in tears and she hasn't even told me anything.  Then she tells me......"You are still pregnant!  Your numbers have gone up even more!" (I dont remember the numbers but they were high!)  Now, I lose it!  I am not believing her, she is telling our other nurse I don't believe her.  Honestly I was so prepared for the bad news, I wasn't at all ready for good news. 

Once I finally decide to believe her and know that I am pregnant in my heart, I have to call Paul.  My husband is my rock but he was taking this possible news as hard as I was.  I called him, he closed his door when he saw my number.  I made sure he was sitting down and then sobbing told him "We are still pregnant!"  He was so confused, from my tears, my words, etc.  But all in all he was SO incredibly happy!!  I went to my parents house, walked in sobbing and announcing the great news!  Mom was also confused and so glad for the positive news.  Once my dad found out, we all started crying again.

I have never stopped being honest with you my dear readers and I won't stop now.  For 24 hours thinking that we had miscarried was the scariest time of my life and most depressing as well.  For my friends and readers who have truly miscarried, I will never understand your pain but please know I have a better appreciation for it. And I will always be thinking and praying for you!