I've decided to keep blogging during this process but not posting them until we are ready to share all the news. It's a good way to keep it all current, with information and the details of the journey. So if you are reading this entry....there are probably a few of these entitled "secret entry" and with the date I wrote them. And also be prepared for tissues, don't say I didn't warn you.
6:45. My body was ready to get up at 6:45 this am. So what was I going to do this early in the am while waiting for Paul? Starting cleaning the "nursery" like I said I was....heck no! I started my morning with a bundt cake (thank you teacher appreciation week) and some Pretty Little Liars. I'm a little embarrassed by my obsession with this show, but I 100% stand behind my decision to have cake for breakfast...and let's face it, you are really jealous right now.
Last night before bed, Paul and I had discussed getting away and taking girls for hike. But Bella hasn't had a haircut in awhile and I knew the heat would wear her out fast. So while up early I looked at a local state park, Andrew Jackson, and they have two different 1 mile loops. I figured she could do that and if not I could carry her that long.
When Paul got up we talked, he ate and then off we went. Both dogs did good. Bella found a piece of grass she just had to lay in about the last 8 minutes of our walk. I knew 1 mile was her limit with all that hair. We finished and came home. Nothing too exciting, Paul did some yard work, I cleaned some papers off the dining room table and went thru all the bags and cards from teacher appreciation week. Oh yeah and watched more pretty little liars.
Paul and I exchanged anniversary gifts, cotton is for year 2. He had a handmade cloth with our name and date on it and framed it...love it! I got him bow ties. That man has been talking about wanting to wear them for almost 4 years..I figured it was time he owned some!:)
We went to one of our fave places for dinner to celebrate, 131 main. I love the food, but lately the service has been horrible. I wait 35 minutes for my appetizer...and we waited 55 minutes for our dinner. And this wasn't the first time we have had poor service:( I think we will be doing take out only now. During the long wait for our dinner I started looking around, thinking about all the families, and I just about lost it. I cried, but somehow found the strength to turn it around and not ruin the meal or make a huge scene. Dessert was at Dean and DeLuca! Yummy brownies:) so rich, but oh so good :)
Today has been hit and miss, sometimes I'm fine, smiling and laughing at my amazing husband. The next I'm shaking and sobbing and feeling oh so lonely. I know I'm not alone, but it's so hard to even pinpoint my feelings, my emotions to myself, much less share them with anyone.
I'm now in a state of having little hope this is ever going to happen. We were so sure this would work, even the Dr's and nurses were sure....or at least that's what they let on to us. We aren't finished this journey, but we just got knocked down hard, I'm still trying to catch my breath.
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