This week we met with the fetal/maternal doctor for our ultrasound. Baby Shea is looking great. He loves his knees. We have a great picture of him with his knee on his nose...it always seems be hanging around there. We met with a different doctor in the practice and really liked him. He was funny and supportive. We love to laugh and especially during the scary times its good to have a laugh or too.
Last night we took our first baby class! It was entitled Infant CPR/ Taking Care of Baby. So really two classes in one. Paul had already had the infant CPR, but its been about 10 years for me....I was very glad for the refresher and reminders. I never knew how fast to do the chest compressions. Our instructor gave us a few songs to think about. Paul and I were softly singing "Stayin' Alive" during the class. It was a silly moment. We also practiced swaddling and changing diapers. Paul did great with the doll. Lets hope Shea will be still enough for Daddy to practice some. We also got a great bath how-to. I love that she presented it as Daddy time. It will be a great bonding time for Paul and Shea.
So where did today come from?! I was fine all week! But then I spent this morning sobbing. Tears gushing, body shaking, ugly sobbing! I've been trying all day to figure out where today came from. I have come up with several thoughts:
- I've been busy all week and have no time to "think" I'm so blessed to have a job that keeps my mind and body very busy! So then the unplanned weekend comes and my brain starts to "think" again.
- There are several families in the community going through some very tough times right now. And why I am so sad for them and praying for them, it's just a very serious reminder of how my world could be in a few short months. It's terrifying. And being reminded of it constantly....well I am already a worry-wart, so it doesn't help the anxiety.
- I also start to worry about my family and friends. If you know me, you know I really do think about others before me. I want to protect my loved ones, make them feel okay, no matter what I want. So in efforts to keep them protected, I give up my wants...or try. Let's be honest here...Paul and I have an amazing support system...and they won't go away even when we tell them they can. We love you!!
Here is the good news...I was able to turn off the sobbing, collect myself and go support Paul! He has become an avid volleyball player, again, in the last few years. I have been so sick the past few months, that I haven't seen him play. So today...I was determined to get there. I got there finally and watched him play 4 and half games. He finished the tournament 7-4....and went to the finals! (at the time of this post he is still playing!) I was glad to support my husband and he was so happy that I was there. I made his day and that fact made mine:)
This morning was rough, but I made it through! To my loved ones, please know that I love how you love us, and I know this is rough for you too. To people in my community, please know that your struggles are mine, but sometimes it's too much on my heart to take, but I won't stop praying for you.
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