Sharing Stories is a Slippery Slope

I am super grateful for all my friends, family and readers!  I really can't say that enough. However sharing our story opens the door for everyone to tell us their stories.  Sometimes this is a great comfort and sometimes its really heartbreaking and annoying.  Yup I said it...sometimes you just don't want to hear anyone else's story.  So sharing our story is definitely a slippery slope, and I knew that before ever starting our blog.  Would I take back this blog...absolutely NOT!!  The pros more than outweigh the cons.  I am blessed to be able to share our story, I am blessed to have amazing friends, family members and readers who love us no matter!!, and I am blessed to be able to have the gift to write this all down. One day Shea will know how much we wanted him, fought for him and he will know how loved he is by all of you!

This journey has been so rough and so heartbreaking and so eye-opening.  I never knew how many people out there had gone through the IVF journey until I put my story out there. I never knew how many people had also suffered the heartbreak of finding out their unborn child was going to need lots of help!  I also had the eye-opening experience that people felt like my words were written to help them through their pain and grief.  The past week I have been on the receiving side of that.  Friends have shared some blog posts with me that not only reminded them of us and our situation, but when I read them, I truly felt like the words were written for me and that I was meant to read them when I saw them.  

Special Needs: Wrestling with Guilt was one shared with me by a neighbor.  While the blog spoke to me about the guilt of "doing something wrong" to cause our situation. It also reassured me that I know deep in my soul that I and Paul didn't do anything to cause this.  Not me getting my hair colored after my first trimester, not me sneaking 3 pigs in a blanket at our Gender reveal party (gasp!!!), nothing we did caused this.  Our son's CHD happened when his cells were duplicating and duplicating just to make him into an embryo, and most likely while he was in that petri-dish that he grew in for the first 6 days!  I had a great conversation with a co-worker about the guilt as a mom, watching a kiddo struggle through any special need.  I do have to say, even though I am not a mom yet, I know I will feel that guilt and pain when I see Shea struggling to breathe. Or when he is "behind" meeting his milestones of crawling, walking, and eating even.  So I guess this blog was meant to remind me that even though  I don't feel the guilt now, I will.  And I will be able to refer back to this post for support.  

The other post that was shared was All of us, son, love all of you.  I read this one this morning, and I cried.  I cried for a few reasons: 1) I could totally feel the mother's pain in her words.  I just wanted to reach out to hug her. 2) I could picture myself, in a few short months, doing the exact same things she does in her post.  3) Her words are so real. She didn't hold back her true feelings. 4) Martha's, the nurse, words.  I can not stop reading her words.  "When you choose to have a child, you do not order-up a baby. You sign-up to parent the child you're entrusted with - the one you have, the one who is counting on you. If you only want to parent the perfect baby you want to have, you have no business becoming a parent."  I needed these words, I continue to need these words.  I never imagined us having a perfect baby. But I sure did think the "hard" part was us just getting pregnant.  

So here is what I am left with today on our snow day part 2.  Sharing our story is incredibly therapeutic. It helps me get out our story out,and share with our family and friends worldwide. But it is just like the roads in SC and NC today....a very slippery slope. Through years of teaching I have acquired a thick skin, and it sure has helped me through this process as well!  So please don't stop sharing your stories, or resources. Because sometimes they are just what I need! Just know that if I don't engage in the conversation, or become quiet, or just smile and nod, I am just overwhelmed and can't take anymore.  

Love you very much readers...I hope you know that!