Day 8: let's go for a ride (5/3)

This morning we made sure to be at the hospital early. Ronda night nurse, had said that the cath lab might call for Shea to be brought down sooner than 8:30. So she recommended that we be there before the NICU opened just in case. We were walking through the doors of NICU literally on the dot at 7:30. Suited up and headed in. So glad we did, he was already in isolate for traveling. We were able to love him through the little holes. He looked so snuggly in there!!

Ronda and Ashlie (our day nurse) let us walk with them down to the cath lab.  There we met the anesthesiologist  and his nurse. We were able to say goodbye to him and then watch him wheel back there. I didn't lose it, but I definitely teared up. The nurses talked about random things and I focused on their words. I know it's okay to cry, but I knew that if I started I wouldn't stop.

We hung out in the waiting room for the next 3 hours with my parents. I colored, talked, played on Facebook. The time went quicker than I thought it would. Through the heart momma network, I was able to help introduce Darryl to my parents. This man is a very experienced heart grandpa. My parents have had their own network of support now.  We had a little surprise as he showed up to sit with us!  It was great to meet him in person and so kind of him to show up. 

At 8:50 Shea was finished his pre-op and Dr. P started his magic. We got notification that procedure went well and Shea was doing well. They wheeled him up to NICU and took out his breathing tube before we even got back to see him. Dr. P came to see us before we went in. Technically the procedure went well. The pulse in the leg was nice and strong too!  Now we just wait and see how it goes.

Before we went back Darryl prayed with us.  That man is an experienced prayer-er!  There wasn't a dry eye among us! Then we went and saw our baby! 

Sweet baby Shea...he was coming off the anesthesia and was not liking it, he was so fidgety and couldn't get comfortable. His numbers were in 80's which is where we expected and wanted  them to be. (We were told this yesterday ) We did love on him a little bit but we couldn't pick him up and hold..which of course is all we wanted to do!!  Paul went down to call his parents and my mom came back with me. He was going down into the 70's and it was making me nervous. Some of it was Shea, but we learned most of it was the blood pressure cuff. I didn't realize it was taking his BP every 15 min automatically.

After a bit of sitting back there with him, I realized my blood pressure was getting pretty low.  Paul and I went to lunch and my parents back with Shea so he wasn't alone. Their first babysitting gig...LOL!

When Paul and I got back, my parents headed home and we sat with Shea for about an hour. His oxygen had been increased from 25% to 35% but he still was trying to come put of his anesthesia.  Ashlie encouraged us to go get a nap in and let her take care of Shea. We went back to RMH and man oh man that hour nap was glorious!  We did get a call from Ashlie that they had taken Shea off all oxygen and he was just breathing room air.

We had breakfast for dinner and it was so yummy. So very thankful for this place. It's really hard for us to decide what to eat l, especially dinner because we are so exhausted by the tens of each day.

Our dear friend Emily came by with some random grocery items we had asked for and we just hung out and talked. We were going to go to NICU but they were closed for admission. After a while the three of us were able to go over and we each got a little time with Shea before they closed for another admission. 

During the short time we were over there nurse Haley (we have had her before and love her) told us that they had to put the oxygen back on him. And it was up to 55%...yes that seemed like a lot to us too. But he had drank 20 ml from bottle. Great sign from our warrior!!  He was definitely sleeping peacefully, not all fidgety. We knew that the meds they gave him down in the cath lab were still in Shea. I mean he was so passed out his mouth was open and he was drooling!! It was really cute. Unfortunately we had to leave because another admission was coming. (Please be praying for our NICU nurses..they got 5 admissions yesterday that I know of. ..it was slammed pack)

Emily brought us back to RMH and we got ready for bed. We knew Haley would call us after rounds with the neotalogist suggestions about Sheas oxygen levels, puffiness and some other things. We got the call about 12:30am.

So they had to turn up his oxygen to 80% for about an hour. But he destat during his 11pm feeding. After talking to neotoalogist they decided not to have him feed anymore tonight. They called cardio and then turned back on the prostaglandin. He has been able to weaned down to 50% oxygen since turning that back on. It's looking like the ductus is closing and there may not be enough flow as we had hoped. They will do echo as planned in the morning and know more. The cardio team will advise on what to do next. I know Haley had talked about giving Shea Lasix to help him pee out the fluids he is retaining. His weight has increased because of it.  But they will wait to see what his heart is looking like.

Family, friends and prayer warriors. Please keep praying for our Sweet Baby Shea. This ride is a crazy one and even though the procedure went well. We knew that it not working was a real possibility. As we find out more information and are ready to share we will. 

Day 7: The New Plan, Stan. (5/2)

This morning we packed up and left the hospitality house.  We got a room at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH)  We had already toured there so we knew it would be nice..but just amazing!  Our room is amazing. It will be a wonderful home away from home for us in these coming weeks.

Sweet Baby Shea is still eating and growing and pooping!  Man he loves to poop. :)  He drank 36 our of 40 ml for me this am.  Poor little guy, I had to really wake him up and still he kept falling asleep on me. After feeding him we headed over to the RMH and got settled in. It's great to get settled in some where, unpack, and finally feel like we can breathe on this issue of housing.

On our way into the hospital we talked to our cardiologist, Dr Ohmstede.  He seemed very confident in the procedure that was presented to us. He talked to us for about 20 minutes.  He also feels confident in what Dr. P. can do and that he won't try to be a "cowboy"  What a great team we have!

Daddy gets Shea to down the 40ml like nothing at the 11am feeding. Our nurse Brandy today was awesome. We loved talking and hanging out with her. Again the small world catches up with us. She used to date a guy from Seaford, DE close to where Paul used to live...crazy!

We got a call that Dr. Maxey was able to come talk to us...so we had that conversation. Man, I love our surgeon!  For someone who works with babies and kids all day, he is super personable and can relate to adults wonderfully.( I guess my sterotypes come from Grey's Anatomy)  We talked through the pulmonary artery balloon procedure....more on this later in the post. He also thought this procedure was worth a try. He shared with us the normal oxygen levels for Shea will be 80iah. You and me live at 100 and if we went below that we would be hospitalized because there is an issue of a blockage of some sort.

So then came in Dr. P himself. We have met him informally but not with Shea being a patient of his. This man definitely loves what he does. He explained the procedure in some of the things that we still didn't understand or things we were concerned about. After a lot of talking, question answering and truths we have decided to go ahead with the pulmonary artery valve balloon procedure.

What is that exactly?  Well we have been using the picture below (drawn by the cardiologist on call last week) to talk thru it all. So we will be doing a cath through the top of the pulmonary artery (near the ductus) down into the valve.  He will inflate a balloon near the bottom to see if he can expand the artery. (Right now it's too thin and it won't allow the blood to flow correctly)  We will not know if the procedure is successful until they wean him of the medicine that he has been on the past week. (That medicine has kept his ductus open and letting the blood flow) 

It's possible that they won't be able to open the artery with the balloon. It's possible that they will be able to open it but it still won't be enough. (Then we get the first open heart surgery called a BT shunt )  It's possible the balloon works but the ductus doesn't close on its own. (Then we have another cath to close the ductus)  They may also have to go in and put a stent in the  ductus. 

Basically the variables are numerous. However this procedure won't hinder or affect his chance at getting the BT Shunt. So if this doesn't work, we will have the BT shunt. It was pretty much a lot of information. But if we do nothing our Sweet Baby Shea won't get better on his own. We have to do something. I'm too in love with him to let him go!

One of my parents this year, the same wonderful one who threw me a baby shower, started a go fund me page for Shea. So thoughtful and helpful...thank you Jennifer!!

Big thanks to Darci for visiting and bringing us dinner!! It was so wonderful to see you :)  and we know Shea loved showing off for you!

Super big thanks to my parents for bringing the dogs up to see us. Even though they weren't too thrilled it warmed our hearts.

Ginormous thanks to Sheila for taking our dogs to her house for the rest of this week!! 4 dogs is a lot and you are super brave to take this on for us.

Tomorrow at 8:30 am Shea will go down for this procedure please keep him, Dr. P, and all the staff in your prayers and thoughts.  

Day 6: Sweet Gestures from Sweet Friends (5/1)

(Just so you know, I started this blog at 10:40am!!)

It's May Day and even though we woke up to a dreary rainy day, I am full of energy and happiness!  It might have to do with how much sleep I got, or being at the Hospitality house which is like a hotel room. I don't really care..I just love that I'm feeling good!

We got to the hospital for 8am feeding which Paul did....Shea rocked it out! Took all 35 ml. Afterwards we traded and I just got to snuggle. Oh it was glorious. Kinda like what it would be like at home minus these gorgeous blue aprons and wires.

After feeding Shea we have to feed mommy. We ate at the cafeteria and I was stoked. :) They had those french toast sticks, you know the ones we had as kids.....yum!!  Then we kind just hung out in lobby. They are having a community blood drive here sponsored by the Panthers!  Lots of freebies and cool raffles. Wish I could donate but pretty sure no one wants me re-admitted to the hospital. :)

11am feeding I tried different positions and was able to get most of the 35 ml but we did have to use ng tube for last few ml.  My brother was leaving today so we let him come back with Paul to get some cuddles in. My brother has been taking care of our fur babies this week. We are so blessed that we haven't had to worry about them at all this week.

My good friends, and tutoring buddy, came by to see me and Paul today. Sweet girl wanted to see Shea but of course we couldn't, but we showed her and her parents lots of photos. They bought me lunch and brought us the most adorable cupcake flower pot!!  Tons of people stopped us on the way out of Levines asking about it!  Bobbie you could have a second job if you wanted it!:) 

At the 2pm feeding, Sheas temperature was a little too cool for us to feed him by bottle. So we ng tub fed him. Paul and I decided it was a great time to go back to the Hospitality House and rest. I put my feet up as the swollen feet/ankles have finally come. #justcallmebettyflintstone

We went back for the 5pm feeding and he took 36ml out of 40ml!  Another sweet friend brought us dinner from Bad Daddys. And I totally got a milkshake. Yummy in my tummy. This same friend was our taxi!  We got into the Ronald McDonald House!! So she took us over their to check in and then brought us back. We will officially  move in tomorrow morning. Gretchen you are a great friend and super supportive. :) 

Another sweet friend and I have known each other for only a short time. But she is so kind. She is a LulaRoe

Day 5: momma moves out (4/30)

Shea is 5 days old!!!  He celebrated with a visit from Auntie Rachel and Uncle Andy!  Andy and Paul took the first visit, they knew ours would be nice and long!  Yall I wish I had a video of Rachel being with Shea....she was so excited and happy and just...well let's face it...in love!! I mean who can blame her!

Dr Sutsko has been the neonatologist that has been doing rounds all week. We have talked to him and the resident several times. We like him, he is "old school"  Today when the resident (Amanda ) presented her report, I understood everything she was saying. Kinda scary...I mean cool, but whew...I have learned so much this week. Because of yesterday being a little tough at some feedings to bottle 30ml, I was concerned that jumping to 40 ml would be too big of a stretch. I asked Lauren (Shea's primary nurse) if Shea could tolerate 40ml. She thought he could but tolerate doesn't mean fully digest, or solely thru bottle. Just that it basically wouldn't set him back. Dr. Sutsko was on his phone immediately working out the calculations and we compromised on 35ml feedings.

11am feeding was all me!  He had no residuals!  And we tried several new positions. Shea and I both like sideline. He literally is laying on his side...he gulps down milk that way. I was starting to get a headache and knew I needed a hearty meal.

But first we stopped at the gift shop and rented a breast pump. Mine is coming this week but I can't not pump at night.  And since we are leaving the hospital today I need something!

We had lunch at Panera's and my family met us there. My mom and brother went to see Shea and my dad, Paul and I went to room. I pumped and tried to take nap. The headache was just getting worse and worse.

I didn't want to go down for 2pm feeding but Paul really encouraged me to. I'm glad he did. I love spending time with him. I need to see him...he is so sweet and I'm in love. I also was glad I went down because I got to see Paul feed him.  Paul also got a huge burp out of Shea and we realized that Shea squirms when his back is tickled...lots of laughing from our bay.  Paula and Shea are so adorable together. Just wait to you see the pictures. My heart is on fire!!

Dr. Green is the cardiologist on call this weekend. He came in to talk to us about the procedure they were talking about. He really explained it to us and also said he totally gets why we want to talk to Dr. P before agreeing. He said he thinks Dr.  P is the best he has ever worked with in the years he has done. Also he made me feel more confident in the fact that I'm asking these questions and wanting to feel sure. He said to follow my instincts and that no one was going to talk us into doing anything. We are learning how to advocate for our sons best interest. So far no one thinks we are out of line..hope it stays that way:)

Headache was pretty bad when I got back to the room so I took motrin and climbed into bed. I closed my eyes. I couldn't sleep but at least I was resting.  Paul had already packed everything up for the most part. So he and my dad got everything on Catt and down stairs. Then Paul came back and got me. I had a few sips of Coke  in hopes that caffeine would help. Headache was slightly better.

My brother drove me oh so delicately to the Hospitality House of Charlotte. It's literally across the street from the hospital, but walking that far is going to take me awhile to work up to. My brother did a great job helping me out of car, getting registered, unpacking car and getting things up stairs. Don't know how we would have done it without him.  Paul had gone back to nicu to spend time with Shea and do 5pm feeding.

My mom has me a sandwich amd some milk. Definitely started feeling better. About 5:30 I called nurse Lauren to see how Paul and Shea were doing. They were doing great of course.   He walked over to the House when he was done. My family left and Paul and I relaxed a bit. We decided to eat over at cafeteria and then go feed Shea one more time for the night.

Nurse Tiffany was our nurse again for night shift. It's such a small world in this hospital...I actually know her through Co workers and acquaintances.  After feeding him 30 out of 35 ml by bottle, I was able to snug my precious little man. We took our first selfies and I held him in different positions. Oh sweet baby love!!

Tomorrow my brother goes home, so Shea and him will be able to bond lots before he goes. We hope that he will be able to come back, but we understand working and being across the country makes it much harder. Sunday and Monday we plan on just coasting through in our schedule.

This blog is getting posted so much earlier than the others. :) I am going to try to work on photos  on Sunday and get you the next few albums soon. I know you are excited to see them!

Love to all!

Day 4: Pumping day (4/29)

I am actually starting this blog way earlier like 6:45 p.m. instead of the wee hours of the day. This morning started out a little rough. After I posted my blog I was unable to move my bed back, so I couldn't  go back to sleep. So I was awake at 7:30 when it was time to go down for 8 a.m. feeding. This momma was rough. I was tired I was cranky, I was hungry, and I could not move fast enough.

However once we got down there, our nurse Jenny said "Where do you want to sit to feed him?" My eyes shot open! What?! I was going to be able to hold my baby to feed him?! This is by far my favorite nurse! Just kidding, just kidding!! We have loved all of our nurses that we have had in NICU!  We couldn't have asked for a better group of people to help us take care of Shea!!!  But right now Jenny might be my favorite for letting us hold him. She also has him swaddled and he looked so cute.  He was just a little bundle where we didn't feel overwhelmed by all the wires and having to stress out about his umbilical line.  She got me all set up sitting in a chair and placed Shea  in my arms.  It was the most amazing thing ever. He ate all 20 ml for me  except 1.5 milliliters. Jenny was able to get him to eat the last little bit.  I was able to snuggle with him and cuddle with him even after the feeding. When I started to get super tired and feeling like I was going to nod off we got  another nurse, Calli, to put him back in his isolate.

We were heading abut but our resident Keerti wanted us to be there for rounds.   All good reports. They increased feedings to 30 ml...um that's an ounce!! They hadn't physically seen Shea yet but said they would watch his jaundiced. No one is worried because his levels were low to start with.

Back in the room I pumped and ate at the same time. Then I took a two hour nap. AMAZING!  I felt tons better.  Paul had gone down to NICU while I napped. He was able to hold Shea and even fed him at the 11am feeding. I am sorry we don't have pictures of that.  Then I ate and pumped again around 12. Hey look I can multi task!!  My parents and brother came in around this time and my mom and brother went to down to see Shea.

I chilled in bed and hung out with my dad and Shea. My dad and Paul switched places with mom and Josh.  My brother worked on our photos and is a huge reason...actually THE reason, why we were able to post pictures yesterday. He goes home on Sunday and I don't know what we will do with him!!  Thank you Josh!  My mom helped me shower. It's not so much a hard task. Mainly making sure that I don't fall. Even though, I mostly sit in the chair. I do try to stand at end for a bit.

Paul and Dad got kicked out for an admission so they didn't get to do feeding but Paul was able to help me get dressed. I was excited about wearing clean clothes!!  But guess what...it was time to pump again. So off we went!  My brother headed down to spend some one on one time with Shea and my dad went to fill my prescribition. I was also discharged during this time period. But the hospital has a wonderful policy and I was able to board here for the night. No cost to us. Down side, no meals, no nursing care and no meds....listen I am so close to my son, it just made sense to be here one more night. 

My brother came back about 3:30 because they were starting Shea's PICC line. We had talked with Jenny abut this in am and signed consent. This is an iv line that goes in his leg and is placed right above his heart. While it is procedure, it's done bedside in a servile environment. It's a longer term option for everything iv medicines and fluids than the umbilical cord iv. It took about an hour and half. Jenny called us when they were done and ready for feeding.

My parents were awesome and picked us up some Italian takeout. I got to hold and feed Shea for his dinner. Then Paul and I enjoyed a "date night" in the family waiting room!  Since NICU was still closed, I decided to try out the pumping room instead of going all the way up...but we forgot to grab the tubing...so up to the room went. When I was done pumping, Paul sat in bed with me.

He had done this earlier in the day and it felt great to have him next to me. Seriously, no one told me that moms needed "skin to skin" with dads afterwards!  Just sitting in bed watching tv, the act just made me instantly relax...I didn't even know I needed it. We said goodbye to my nurse Jessica. We had only had her today but we instantly connected with her. Then it was time to see our baby!!

New nurse tonight, and while we had our hesitations at first (honestly she is great! I think because she didn't know a thing about us, she felt like we had to go through her "tests")  By the end of the feeding session and pumping session, we felt super comfortable with us. She had come in to talk to us while I pumped and just doing that, really helped us all connect. And yall, I don't know how she did it, but she convinced Paul it was good for him to get sleep too!:)  he has been working so hard to take care of me and Shea, he has not taken the best care of himself. Aka the man needs more sleep!

Paul got to hold and feed Shea during this session. It was great. I got to watch the men that hold my heart, take pictures and take a little rest. No sleep. Just breathing a bit easier. Once I finished pumping, we came upstairs and got ready for bed. The only times we would get up during the night were to pump, clean supplies and fill up my water cup.

Oh my goodness...I am going to be able to post this blog before many of you wake up!!  So proud of myself, hahaha such a silly accomplishment, but hey being a mom means celebrating the small victories right?!:)

Day 3 let's eat! (4/28)

I know...you want pictures!!!  My brother has been super helpful in getting our pictures off our camera and on to a Google cloud for us. I promise when he gets in here today (4/29) we will have help him with getting it on to the Sweet Baby Shea Facebook page.

Since I was determined to get my breastmilk  up and going I made myself get up twice in the night to pump. It totally worked...because I was able to pump 5 syringe fulls. I was feeling good!  We never went back to sleep after the 5am one we were down in NICU for his 8am feeding. Little man had a great night. But he didn't digest the formula well or take it well by bottle. So glad milk came in so I could make Shea happy!

We were there for rounds with neotalogist and resident. The resident (Keerti) is so sweet. But she terrified me when she suggested going from 10ml to 25ml at every feeding. Dr said he was old school and said let's do 20ml instead. Paul and I were shocked but we have to trust what they say. (This would start at his 5pm feeding)

We had to leave before the 11am feeding because of something going on with another baby. We came back up to my room where I had my first bowel movement.  Yup folks I just shared that news worldwide. It's a super important part of labor and delivery. So there you go! I also showered and got off another layer of my dressing from my incision. Our heart nurse navigator came in to check with us. We had a great talk but nothing really dealing with Shea and surgeries. She was staying on top of the Dr's and making sure they knew to get back to me. As she was leaving the OB showed up. He was very impressed with my incision and said it looked great. I got a little confused about when he was discharging me. He mentioned today, friday or saturday! After talking to the nurses about when I was leaving, I think it's more likely Saturday.

Paul was going to head down to meet the cardiologist as we had heard he was looking to talk to us but he actually came up to our room. I very thankful for that. My family and I could hear the news too and we could all ask questions. We had been told that putting a Stent in the pulmonary valve may be an option to open it up more, but Dr. P said no just not possible. So a new option was a pulmonary balloon in the valve to open the valve up could be a good possibility. The cardiologist did a good job of explaining and answering all our questions. But both Paul and I  agreed that we wanted to talk to the surgeons involved before making a decision. While the procedure is less invassive and it could get us through to the Glenn. We just not sure that it's the best option for Shea. This weekend we will be learning lots and making a decision soon.

I need to be very truthful here for a minute. We keep talking about how great Shea is doing and that is correct. We are also being very hope filled and having faith that Shea will continue to be great. But I need you to know that this is because of the medicines he is on. Without them, we would be in a very serious situation. They are keeping his ductus open to keep the blood flow going and no this is not a long term solution. This can only happen for awhile and he can't go home on this medicine either. The other medicine he is on is caffeine to remind him to keeping breathing. Just like his momma he needs some every day.

Our nurse Michelle got me a hall pass!!  Literally a hall pass that allowed me to go outside! We went to Panera and got me some coffee and sat outside on this sweet little courtyard at Levine's. It was great to see the sky, feel the air, and smell different things for awhile. Although I did not enjoy the cigar some one was smoking!  It was almost time for 5 pm feeding and we wanted to be there. My family had been able to spend some time during the day with Shea so they headed home.

Y'all, Shea sucked down 14ml!  What were we worried about?! Paul took some seriously heart warming pictures of Shea and I. Shea is so focused on my face and we had some major eye contact. At one point I was clucking at him and I swear he mimicked it! I was able to pump over 20ml for his next feeding and then we got a happy surprise. Our friends came up and had dinner with us. At Panera...I know not super exciting. But I loved seeing them. And Shea was super excited to see his Aunt Emma again and meet his Uncle Shawn. The boys went back first and as far as I can tell enjoyed their time.

When we went back I got to feed Shea again!  Paul is spoiling me by letting me do the feedings, we were trying to switch back and forth. I did however get to change my first poppy diaper. It was so small.  Lol but they count it!  Shea sucked his 20 ml down in less than 5 min...even the nurse Haley was surprised!!   Then Shea decided he needed to see Aunt Emma's face.  It wasn't for long but oh friends, his fluttering eyes at her made my heart smile.

Tonight Shea was a little jaundiced. Which is super normal for every baby!  They will for sure be watching him and may do labs in am just to make sure everything is okay but the fact that he is eating, peeing and pooping means that it's probably on its way out! :)

Family, Friends, and readers...we are so thankful to have you. I am continually amazed at how much support you give us. If I don't tell you personally please know we appreciate you!!  So as 6am is here again...lol here is your morning read!

Picture for today is Paul and his little lion king...this picture is one of my faves!!

Day two of NICU

I'm going to try my very best to keep these updated...I want Shea to know his story and I definitely don't trust my memory.

So here we go!! This am Paul and I spent about 2 hours in NICU with Shea.  Shea is doing super well. (Pulse ox levels are in high 90's!) We have talked to cardiologist today but he has yet to meet with surgeon (Dr. Maxey) and another surgeon that deals only with catheterization(Dr. P) to come up with next steps. We could still have the bt shunt which is open heart surgery. But we possible could have a stent which would be done through a catheterization. The biggest problem right now is that the pulmonary valve is too thin. So they could put a stent in to help open up the pulmonary valve. Dr. P Wil be the one to really make this decision  based on Shea's echo at birth. (Lots of info I know!)  We took lots of pics this morning and will work on getting them up on the Sweet Baby Shea  Facebook page.

Paul and I took his temperature and changed his diaper.  Our day nurse, Lauren, fed him but we were able to assist and next time we will do and she will assist. He will be eating 10 ml every 3 hours.  At 11am he drank 2 ml from bottle and then the rest was fed to him through his ng tube.

I definitely pushed myself really hard this morning and paid for it in the afternoon. At 11:30 there was an admission coming, so we had to leave.  Good time for everyone to eat and for me to get some rest. I didn't nap, but was able to rest in bed, eat some food and recap with my mom, brother and dad. They have been such  a blessing these days. My mom especially has been helpful with helping take care of me and my basic needs: peeing and getting dressed. I feel like I'm 2 again with these needs.

At the 2pm feeding we checked his digestive system by pulling back on the ng tube, only 1.5 ml came back and we refed it to him. The best news here was that he digested 8.5ml from his first feeding!! Paul fed him all 10 ml in his bottle. Y'all I already knew that Paul was an amazing husband and I knew that he was going to be a killer father...but man, he is more than that.  He just loves his son and is wonderful with him. I was so impressed with the feeding! 

I went back upstairs to rest for a little and wait for our pastor to come. Our church has been praying for us for quite some time and Pastor Paul has been so supportive. He just has a great way about him. We prayed over Shea and Paul prayed over us. I have been strong only because of my faith in God, but no doubt it's still hard. I try to remember that He's got this. He knows the master plan and I have to trust it. Having Pastor Paul pray and talk with us just reassured me in all that!

I went back up to rest some and try to pump. I haven't been doing a great job at having a pumping schedule, but Shea needs it!  I was only able to pump a little bit out. But some is better than none!  My friend and photographer Lora was heading in to take pictures for us...so I made my way back down to NICU.  Our mutual friend Rebecca came too so she could help watch Loras adorable little girl! And of course see Shea.

I sent Lora and Paul back to NICU first. I didn't see any pictures, but I know they are amazing!!  I was able to go back and the three of us had some pictures including diaper changing ones and feeding ones.  This time I did the feeding! During that 5pm feeding  only 0.5ml came back in the NH tube...my kiddo is being a Rockstar at feeding!!!  We were able to get him to eat all 10 ml again by bottle. ..so exciting! 

After everyone got to see Shea and pictures were done, Paul went to dinner with his childhood friend who only lives 5 min away from the hospital. My family got me up to the room and settled. I sent them home. We all needed a break from this stressful time. While I can't physically leav, it was nice to eat dinner in peace. I did end up talking to my super dear friend/sister Emily for a long time. I escaped my world for awhile. This road is tough but definitely not lonely!  And sometimes it's nice to remember that the world is turning out there and others have struggles too.

When Paul came back we were going to go down for feeding but there was another admission. So Paul and I talked, caught up with each other. (Get out the tissues) He looked me in the eye and told me "no matter what happens with Shea, tomorrow, next week, in a month,  these last 36 hours have been amazing."  I agree. We are just totally in love with our son. We have had two great days so far but we know it won't always be like this. We know that tomorrow could be worse. That there will be some day that we are really scared and worried coming sooner than later.  We know a surgery of some sort is coming this week or next. But right now we are just enjoying every minute.

9pm we called down and admission was open...so down we went!  When we walked in Shea was all super cuddly in his body pillow as shown in his picture. We loved on him and then Paul helped me pump. Being near him really helped!! I was able to get 8ml!!

Not going to lie, it's totally weird typing that to the world, but if you have been reading the blog for a while you know that I tend to overshare. If you are new, please remember that I started this blog to document our journey to pregnancy so I could process everything. It has been such a healing/coping tool. And I have realized through my readers it has helped so many others through their process. If you know me at all, I am all about helping others. (It's killing me to ask for so much help here and not be the one helping them!)

Okay back to feeding our visit. While was washing out all the pump tools, Shea opened his eyes. This isn't the first time I've seen his eyes, but he was so awake, I stood up and got super close to his face and started talking. Man oh man, that little boy...just pure love. He and I talked for 10 min, eyes wide open!  Then it was feeding time. Tonight he was awake and hungry. But only took 5 ml. Listen first day on the feeding job...he has taken a ton of milk and kept it down...we are super proud!

Continued thanks for all the prayers, love, support, and messages. We are holding it together and so is Shea!!  So while 6am on Thursday approaches, I will go ahead and post this!  Sometime in the next few days I will post our induction/ Shea's birth story..I will need help as there were drugs involved and I need helping remembering it all in the right order. Love to all!